Nothing you have been through was for nothing.
God is preparing you for what he has prepared for you.
Don’t read the bible out of guilt but come with a heart to learn and seek wisdom. There is no point of reading the bible out of duty it will not benefit you. God wants followers who are willing and want more of Him.
I was listening to Tye Tribbett- I love you forever. It came to the end where he starts to adlib and he says ” I may not act like it but I love you forever. I may fall short sometimes but I love you forever, I may slip up sometimes but I love you forever”. I started to think who on this earth can you constantly say this to for the rest of your days and for them to not tell you enough is enough, eventually cut you off or condemn you about it. Who can you say this to and their automatic response is to forgive you and still be of help; beyond your need… Wow ! There is no one like God… you won’t find it. He is truly omnibenevolent. Thanking God for His Grace and Mercy.